The Truth Served Cold

Getting breakfast at McDonald’s is a lot like going to Red Lobster when you’re really really hungry: it seems like a great idea until the moment you start eating.

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For the third day in a row, I had to put up with some moronic girl at my job on a fucking cellphone telling her life for everyone to hear. This particular day, however, I got to hear this particular little gem:

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For anyone that hasn’t heard about this, Vince Dumb-Fuck Carter donated (recently, I think) $2.5 million to his old high school in Daytona Beach to build a new athletic center. Vince and other hyper-wealthy dumbass professional athletes all over the country just loooooooooove to give ridiculous sums of money to schools, usually predominantly black schools in shitty neighborhoods, which is a great thing. Unfortunately, they almost invariably funnel the money into athletics which is just about the most retarded and irresponsible thing I can think of.

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The things I’ve witnessed over the past 10 days or so have truly led me to understand why black women remain the most unmarried demographic of females in the entire fucking country and why 75% of them are single.  I can’t wait for Bill Cosby to write a followup to his original book “Come On, Ladies – Get The Fuck Out Of Your Own Way.” Jesus fucking goddamn Christ…I did not think it was physically possible for me to be this pissed off.

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It’s almost that time. Restaurant week in DC….and with this comes restaurant snobs.  A restaurant snob may not be what you think. It’s not one of those people who, when they go to restaurants, must go to the most expensive one on the fucking planet and will settle only for a seven course French supper complete with caviar, champagne, snotty French waiter dressed in a tuxedo and a goddamn sommelier named ‘Henri’ (pronounced ‘Ohn Rhee’)

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I didn’t realize just how awful the gym (or more accurately, the people in it) is until my trip to the local Gold’s Gym last night.  There’s some fairly ridiculous egotistical behavior that goes on when people work out, but for the most part I’ve been willing to overlook the flaws of others . Then last night I saw something that set me over the fucking edge:

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Dude, what the fuck!?  There is no single item on earth more unflattering to the human body than goddamn fucking skinny jeans. They’re worse than empire waist tops, flat shoes, man-thongs (with or without crotch stuffing), Castro hats, and all the shit that came out of the 1980s.

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I received the following email this morning from some dumb douchebitch:

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It’s been a good while since I last gave 2 fucks about watching a music video of any kind. The last time I watched them regularly, The Luniz ‘I got 5 on it’ was a popular song and ‘The Box’ wasn’t a sexual slur. In olden times, a lot of hiphop music videos were visual representations of the narratives given in the songs. The really popular songs that the old folks didn’t like at least tended to have a story to them, and conservative people like my mother and father openly expressed an appreciation for the artistic flair and creativity of the videos and their expression.

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I’ve done MySpace, to limited success. I shall now piss on Facebook. In all reality I would really love to take an actual physical piss on Facebook, to express my immediate dislike for it. I might even download the Facebook homepage, burn it off onto CD and piss on the CD to compensate.

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