The Truth Served Cold

I received the following email this morning from some dumb douchebitch:

“Although I think your blog is pretty funny and I do look into it almost every day, you should take it easy on ranting about people of other ethnic backgrounds . You don’t know enough about foreign countries to do that and your rants are less sarcastic as you wish, they are sometimes just ignorant and insulting.

Before you write something, think how you would feel if you read something similar..like your article about fat people. Having said this, I like most of your others posts and the humor.”

Any regular readers of my blog know that I get stupid comments and emails all the time from people of all walks of life. For some reason, however, this one struck me as particularly ludicrous, and I feel compelled to rip it apart piece-by-piece.

Although I think your blog is pretty funny and I do look into it almost every day, you should take it easy on ranting about people of other ethnic backgrounds.

Why the hell do so many people assume that I give a flying fuck about what they think I should or shouldn’t be writing? Seriously, dude…why? Despite the fact that this blog is becoming popular completely by accident, I am well aware of three things: 1.) this blog isn’t becoming popular by me tip-toeing around people with bleeding hearts and sensitive backsides, 2.) this blog isn’t becoming popular by me listening to the insanely arbitrary opinions of people carrying on about what I should or shouldn’t write, and 3.) I do not care how popular this blog is or isn’t

Please please PLEASE shut the hell up about what I should or shouldn’t we writing about.

You don’t know enough about foreign countries to do that and your rants are less sarcastic as you wish, they are sometimes just ignorant and insulting.

The first clause of this sentence is perhaps the most infuriatingly hypocritical thing I’ve read in months. The author claims on one hand that I shouldn’t attack cultures I [supposedly] don’t know anything about, while at the same time attacking me as if she somehow knows enough about me to be qualified to argue what I do and do not know about other countries.

I suppose that since she’s read the title pages for the blog, she figures she’s a certified ‘knower’ of who the fuck I am. If the bar for knowing someone is set that low, then I am more than qualified to talk shit ad infinitum about – using her example – people of other cultures.

Take Persians, they’ve been marrying into my family for years…why? Because I am Persian you stupid douchebitch. I have plenty of near and dear persian friends.  At any of my family’s gatherings, you will find between 6 – 20 Persians struggling to choose between lamb kabobs, koubideh, ash reshteh.

If she can know anything about me from my blog, then I’m qualified to write a fucking dissertation on Persians.

As for whether or not my posts are sarcastic…it’s not my problem if everyone doesn’t get my sense of humor. I am not running for President, and I don’t give a a flying motherfucking fuck if my sarcasm gives certain people, or even most people, indigestion. Don’t like it? LEAVE. Don’t get it? LEAVE. If you think I’m seriously racist or ignorant, then I’ve got news for you – there are bigger fish for you to fry. I get the feeling that if these motherfuckers were actually interested in changing the attitudes of real racists, they’d roll their soap box on over to the KKK website and ‘kick some knowledge’ there. But they don’t, because they’re far less interested in enacting social change than they are in hearing themselves talk and beating off to their own pseudo-intellectualism.

An excuse is something you use to justify something wrong or inappropriate. I need not justify my blog, because there is nothing at all wrong about it. “Before you leave a comment” and “about the author”  is intended to dissuade the ranks of the humorless from reading my blog. It’s one of the few written pieces on my site that ISN’T a joke. The point of it isn’t to coyly entice people to read more of my site – the point is to say “get the fuck off my site if you can’t laugh at yourself,” and I am completely serious about that.

If you read this warning, then read my posts and get offended anyway, you are a fucking idiot. You cannot follow simple instructions. You probably have burn scars on your hands from when your mom told you not to touch a hot stove and you did it anyway. It’s not my fault that you refuse to listen.

Before you write something, think how you would feel if you read something similar about fat people.

Now this jerkoff has the nerve to talk about me like I’m a fucking five year old. She has the nerve to talk ‘logic’ with a trained IT guy. She also has the nerve to act like foreigners have no idea what it’s like to be ridiculed. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS, LADY?!?!?!?! How would I feel if I read something offensive about fat people or foreigners? Is there anything about this site that implies that I DON’T watch the news everyday?

Let’s answer your question directly, though: If I went to a site run by a white guy with close foreign friends that featured an 800-word essay explaining that the site was a joke, and consisted of ferociously over-the-top posts bashing just about every ethnic group on the planet including mine and his…I would laugh my fucking ass off.

I guess you wouldn’t. Here’s some logic: Sucks to be you.

Having said this, I like most of your others posts and the humor.

Yea? Fuck yourself.

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