I usually write about shit I hate but today I will make an exception and pay tribute to the greatest entertainer EVER. The news of Michael passing hit me REAL hard and I must admit a small tear dropped from my eye. I feel like I lost a family member. Michael was/is the face of music. I/we will truly miss him. Love you Mike….
Fat Fucks
June 23rd, 2009 Mike Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments »
I arrived at work today unusually pissed off. I spent about 20 minutes on the Metro coming from VA since my car had to be dropped off for a oil change at the fuckin dealer. Some idiot 3 seats behind me was listening to stupid fucking Lil’ Wayne so loud I could actually feel myself getting dumber.
Happy Birthday To Me
June 18th, 2009 Mike Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments »
31 years ago (June 19, 1978) I was just a lonely sperm stored inside my daddy’s reproductive system. Then on one glorious night, I was finally released into the cervix and made my way up the fallopian tube and met an egg. The egg happily let me in and I released my nucleus, which combined with the egg’s DNA and a handsome little zygote was created! 9 months later I came sliding out the birth canal….and a asshole was born. So rejoice with the rest of the world and pay homage to me on this wonderful day.
“I just got my hair done”
June 16th, 2009 Mike Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments »
God created rain to tell black women they shouldn’t straighten their hair. You’ll notice that black women who wear their hair naturally don’t seem to worry all that much about what water (the most abundant…thing…on the planet) will do to their hair, and this is what makes these girls fucking awesome. Many women who straighten their hair, however, are an intolerable burlap sack of boring because they can’t do shit since it might fuck their hair up.
Buying Rubbers
June 12th, 2009 Mike Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments »
There is perhaps no bigger pain in the ass than getting your hands on condoms once you get out of college. When you’re in college, condoms are free and everywhere . In college, they used to have a little woven basket filled with a couple hundred of them, and the resident assistants would occasionally tape them to the message boards next to inane “safe sex” billboards.
“He’s just my friend”……
June 8th, 2009 Mike Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »
Seven of the last eight women (including my ex’s) I’ve met have tried to spoon-feed me this bullshit statement in some form or another, and many of my female acquaintances I’ve known for years say the same thing. All in all, I’m willing to say that 90% of all twenty-something girls I’ve ever met claim that all/most of her friends are men because girlfriends are too high-maintenance/bitchy/full-o-drama, etc. For whatever reason, girls seem about twice as likely to declare woman-hate if they’re interested in you sexually.
The Alcoholic
June 2nd, 2009 Mike Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments »
Alcohol is a drug that’s as interesting as it is infuriating. Almost anyone over the age of 18 can recall some experience where alcohol has made them do something they consider to be absolutely fucking retarded.
Fashion
May 28th, 2009 Mike Posted in Uncategorized | 6 Comments »
Fashion is getting more and more fucking ridiculous every goddamn day. We haven’t quite reached the acid-induced insanity that inspired the out-of-this-world fashion trends of the 1960’s, but I’ve concluded that at this point, we’re on a runaway freight train headed right in that direction. So without further adieu, here is an abbreviated list of fashion trends that MUST STOP before humankind, as a species, is hopelessly lost.
The Creole
May 26th, 2009 Mike Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments »
After hearing this term for years, I finally decided to do some research and find out exactly what a Creole is and why the fuck so many females claim to be one. After I found out the definition, I started to think about some of the fake ass females I have met that claimed to be Creole and got enraged….hence this article. The term ‘Creole’ was originally used to describe olive-skinned folks from Louisiana who had some mixture of French, Spanish, Black, and/or Native American ancestry, and spoke a language of the same name. More recently, ‘Creole’ has become a moniker used by pompous light-skinned fucktards to justify buying into and promoting caucasian standards of beauty.
Vegetarians
May 26th, 2009 Mike Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »
Meat is good, meat is king. Meat rocks my world ’cause it aint green. Yes, I just created a shitty poem in approximately 3 seconds. There are no boundaries to my creativity or awesomeness. Hail to the King, baby!